Our response to domestic violence is coloured by our beliefs and practices around marriage. Brother Greg Palmer will contribute a series of articles on the subject which we hope will provide a strong scriptural framework to think about what the Divine purpose of marriage is. He will show how we can fulfil that but also how misconceptions and elevating marriage about other divine principles serves to imprison people in abusive relationships.
Introduction
When God presented Adam with Eve, the Scripture records,
"Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:23-24)
At first glance, this passage appears to be Adam speaking, but Jesus clarifies in Matthew 19:4-5 that the second sentence was spoken by God,
"He answered, 'Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?'" (Matthew 19:4-5)
This underscores that marriage is not a human invention but a divine institution. Recognising this, we must consider both why God established marriage and what He intended it to be.
The Spiritual Purpose of Marriage
Malachi writes,
"Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth." (Malachi 2:15)
God’s design for marriage was to create a stable environment for raising godly offspring. While godly children can be raised in a variety of circumstances, marriage as ordained by God provides an ideal foundation for this purpose. Additionally, marriage serves a spiritual role in preparing individuals for the Kingdom. As Peter writes,
"Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7)
Marriage, when lived according to God’s principles, helps each spouse grow spiritually and support each other in their journey toward eternal life.
The Covenant of Marriage
Malachi also reminds us,
"But you say, 'Why does he not?' Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant." (Malachi 2:14)
The word “covenant” implies a binding agreement with mutual obligations. In the covenant between God and Israel, the terms were explicit:
"Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation." (Exodus 19:5-6)
Similarly, in marriage, faithfulness to the covenant is essential. Failure to uphold one’s obligations in marriage will impact the relationship and may lead to significant consequences.
Marriage as a Reflection of Christ and the ecclesia
Ephesians 5:20-33 presents marriage as a living parable of Christ and His bride, the ecclesia,
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her..." (Ephesians 5:25)
This passage provides a model for both husbands and wives, outlining their key responsibilities.
For Husbands (like Christ):
Love & Cherish
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." (Ephesians 5:25)
Consideration & Respect
"He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he himself is beset with weakness." (Hebrews 5:2)
"Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honour to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7)
Care & Sacrifice
"Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body." (Ephesians 5:28-30)
Faithfulness
"If we are faithless, he remains faithful - for he cannot deny himself." (2 Timothy 2:13)"Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4)
For Wives (like the Ecclesia):
Love
"If anyone has no love for the Lord, let him be accursed." (1 Corinthians 16:22)
"Older women...train the younger women to love their husbands and children." (Titus 2:4)
Respect
"Let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)
Submission
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands." (Ephesians 5:22-24)
Faithfulness
"I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ." (2 Corinthians 11:2)
While the covenant responsibilities for husbands and wives are slightly different, the difference is more a matter of emphasis. There is considerable overlap of obligations, and the two principal ones (love and faithfulness) are in both lists.
Lessons from Genesis
Jesus reaffirms,
"So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate." (Matthew 19:6)
God’s original design was for marriage to be lifelong. However, in Genesis 3, sin entered the world, bringing challenges that strain marriages. Sin, not divorce, is what truly destroys marriage. When a covenant is broken - through unfaithfulness, neglect, or abuse - the foundation of marriage is eroded. Divorce, when it occurs, is merely the formal acknowledgment that the marriage has already failed.
Is Marriage by nature “Indissoluble”?
The phrase “one flesh” in Genesis 2:24 does not imply an indissoluble union but rather a moral and relational bond that ought not to be broken by sin or betrayal. The Hebrew word for “join” suggests a strong attachment, yet it does not signify a mystical unity that cannot be undone. Jesus referenced God’s words at creation not to condemn all divorce but to rebuke those who misused Deuteronomy 24:1 to justify arbitrary divorces. We will explore this more in future articles.
Paul, in Ephesians 5:31–32, speaks of a “mystery” regarding marriage, but this refers to the union of Christ and the ecclesia, not an inseparable marital bond. Furthermore, Paul’s use of “one flesh” in 1 Corinthians 6:16 concerning relations with a prostitute demonstrates that the term does not mandate lifelong union but emphasises a relational connection.
The argument for absolute indissolubility leads to impractical and unjust conclusions, as illustrated by the case of a woman trapped in an abusive marriage yet forbidden to remarry. Nowhere does Scripture say that divorced individuals are “still married in the eyes of God.” If this were true, they would be obligated to maintain all marital duties, which contradicts both reason and biblical guidance. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7:5 and 7:9, advises against prolonged abstinence due to temptation and encourages remarriage for those unable to maintain celibacy. The New Testament neither commands nor supports demanding remarried individuals dissolve their second marriage because the first is still binding. We will explore the subject of remarriage in more depth in a future article.
The claim that marriage remains valid despite persistent betrayal is as illogical as saying Adam and Eve still live in Eden despite their fall. That marriage is a covenant of two people means it can be broken by severe violations of the terms of the covenant such as infidelity or neglect. God acknowledges the reality of broken covenants and provides practical remedies.
Conclusion
Marriage is a divine institution, designed to reflect God’s relationship with His people and to nurture faithfulness, love, and spiritual growth. Understanding the biblical framework helps us navigate both the blessings and challenges of marriage in a way that honours God. This ideal requires effort and commitment and the Bible acknowledges that not all marriages endure.
In the next article, we will explore what Scripture teaches about divorce and how it fits within the broader plan of God.
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